He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize