the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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