i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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