When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
