i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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