Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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