my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
