When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He passed out mid-signature
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
