sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
