he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
