Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
