Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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