Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
