I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
