In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
