Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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