somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
