All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
