did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
