We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
