woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
