she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
