Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Panties = found
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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