I got chris browned last night
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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