what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
