i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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