the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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