It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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