Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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