I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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