i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
