a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
