my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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