Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
