Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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