So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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