it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
