And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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