I smell stomach acid.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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