I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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