am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
