oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
