barbara walters just said penis...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
