why didn't you poke me back
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
