Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
ttyl tear gas
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
