She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
