Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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