and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
