why didn't you poke me back
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
