Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
