Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
