I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
