There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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