Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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