I cannot find my penis.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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