pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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