The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
