I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
