Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
