how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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